Editorials and Reader Reviews

This section is contributed by readers like you. I invite you all to please feel free to respond to, and/or send articles, editorials, reviews, and or suggestions of your own. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, and I welcome the opportunity to let you share and express them here. (Your name will be withheld unless you advise me otherwise.)

Thanks again!! SxySadist

On Newcomers...

The gate to this realm is small and difficult to find. Many are afraid even to look for it. But for those who do look and who find it, we residents of the realm need to be open and welcoming. I wish there was a better term for those just awakening to these pleasures, or just reaching out to others, those who have just opened the door. The term "newbie" carries with it a certain note of inferiority, if not outright disdain. But we all were newbies once. Some of us still are, in the minds of the more experienced. In the realm of kink we do not have a graded series of powers recognised by titles, as have the clergy and the military. Nor do we have graded proficiencies ranked by colored belts, as have the martial artists. And I do not think we need them or want them. We do need a term or two to distinguish the experienced from the unexperienced, the students from the teachers. (And what teacher hasn't learned from his or her students?) I ask that we all put our minds to thinking of another term for those who entered after we did. This newsletter may be a place to offer them for the consideration of others. I do not thins the term "newbie" will go away, nor should it. With a not-yet-invented term of respect for those still gaining experience, we could restrict "newbie" to the truly boorish, to those who deserve some reproach for their inappropriate actions. (Name withheld)

More Advice to Newcomers...

Lately, we have been having some trouble with some "kids" on-line. The "leader" is a so called Dom male who I (Kandi) have met in person (and was at one time actually a friend of his) and am well aware of his inexperience’s in D/s. Well as it should turn out he is mentally destroying his female subs and physically scaring them, since I starting understanding him lately I chose not to be his friend any longer because I disagreed with his BDSM methods and became protective of his subs. Well in my advise, friendship and safe and caring play to one of his subs that he "cared" for, she left him. She somehow realized in us that there was a different side of BDSM and she wanted to find that. Well the other day we were just speaking with a new sub of his and voicing some concern over her playing with him. She appreciated the advice and talk, then the next day we began getting threatening letters, IM, etc....for her so called "sis" (probably the Dom himself). We can maturely deal and handle this...it is the concern we have for the people that play with this Dom. So I would like to send some advice to Newbies: BDSM is a safe, loving, consensual, sexual experience. It is not abuse, it is not "learned from a book". When it is right, it feels good, it takes you places you want to go but were afraid to go before. It is 100% trust, when the Dom/Domme has you so completely bound you cannot move an inch, it is KNOWING that no real harm is going to come to you because your Dom/Domme knows what they are doing. In meeting people on AOL, it is hard to decipher the experienced and safe from the inexperienced and abusive. So my advice to you is this...learn all you can about this person BEFORE you play.... Get a list of persons on-line that he/she claims to have met in person and played with before. Get a list of persons that are not on line that he/she has played with before or claims to know well. Ask him how long he has been in the scene or practicing BDSM, then talk to others on line that claim the same amount of time and compare BDSM maturity. Actually ASK for his/her license number, etc. leave the information with a friend when you go to me him/her. If this person does not give it to you or doesn't understand the safety that you need then do not go...they are not a very understanding person (most good Doms will give you this information because you are understanding of you being concerned of your safety). Last but not least, IF you speak with others that claim they know this person, LISTEN CAREFULLY...even if it is negative...they may have and know things about this person that could be valuable for you to know. BE open-minded and unbiased, try to decipher the person you are speaking with and decide for yourself the meaning behind the dislike...i.e. Is the person, that has negative feelings, really being hateful about this person or do they seem sincere about your safety. I really think that if newbies would be a little bit more patient and open to suggestions of wiser people in the scene we would all benefit and we would save some people from really being BDSM damaged..........Love, Kandi

The BIZARRE

Curiosity is the hallmark of humanity. Just as the first beings vaguely defined as humans crawled forth to seek out new worlds beyond their caves and trees, just as Columbus crossed the oceans, just as Dr. Salk pored over his microscope, just as Hillary climbed Everest, and just as our modern pioneers, the astronauts, sail through the heavens, MAN WANTS AND NEEDS TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THE ULTIMATE QUESTION: "WHY?" Why do people get pleasure out of certain fabrics, styles of clothing, sexual devices, smells, tastes, games, and fantasies? Why is "just for an evening" fun and exciting? What is it that makes us do things in private that we ourselves would laugh about in public... or even condemn? Last you think that this is mixing our subjects. Think again! It is that same explorer's quest to find out "why" that led man forward in progress socially, scientifically, politically, and so on, that also leads us to greater awareness of our inner selves... including our sexual drives and desires. And so while the practices, fetishes, fantasies, and foibles of the BIZARRE may not suit every taste or sexual orientation, the bizarre IS for every adult who desires to claim his or her human birthright: the spirit of exploration and discovery. The BIZARRE is not for everybody. But then again, everybody doesn't try it. For those who do usually end up enjoying it. BIZARRE is dress up time for adults. It's a time to leave this hectic world for a few hours of fantasy and fun and enjoy a little of the unknown. It's a fantasy enjoyed by loving caring people. There is always a new thrill, a new fantasy, a new sexual encounter to look foreword to in the world of the BIZARRE. There's more to the BIZARRE than the humdrum "thank you Ma'am"" sex of everyday live. Most people don't realize the fun that is had by those who have ventured into the world of the BIZARRE because they themselves do not have the foresight to try such an encounter. As long as the world of the BIZARRE is enjoyed by loving couples who care for each other, the world of the BIZARRE will flourish. But when mistreated, it gives everyone who enjoys the BIZARRE a bad reputation. Let us not involve the world of the BIZARRE, bondage, and fantasy with S&M (sado-masochism). S&M IS NOT the world of the BIZARRE, or is it fantasy or bondage! Most people who do not know better, associate bondage and S&M together. S&M is people who scare, scar, maim, and hurt others whereas bondage-BIZARRE- & fantasy are for fun and dress-up with loving people who can fantasize an d play erotic games with no real pain, scaring or hurting of one another. BIZARRE is a fantasy that is played out for a few hours and then its over until the next time. NEVER EVER EVER mix S&M with bondage! It can only bring harm to you and the world of the BIZARRE.

THE TOOLS OF BONDAGE

-- CUFFS -- Bondage cannot exist without wrist and/or ankle cuffs (usually comfortable leather). Bondage, by definition, is restraint. Restraint from cheating oneself of their own pleasure by stopping one's partner from giving it to them. One is released, without guilt, from the obligation to reciprocate and return pleasure. The only thing left to do is experience the pleasures bestowed upon them by their dominant and loving partner. -- COLLARS -- Every slave needs a collar and should be collared by their dominant partner. A collar on a slave shows humility and humbleness. A collar is a symbol of slavery, of ownership, of belonging, and has been for 100's of years. Even the gold neckchain that one gives to their sweetheart is intended to display a special bond between them. A slave should be made to wear a collar as much as possible. With a collar you can lock a slave to other things, attach various restraints, lead the slave, etc. -- GAGS -- There is no bondage without a gag. A gag makes the slave helpless when they cannot speak, and also enhances the sexual encounter. The gag silences the moans and cries of ecstasy. The most intense passion of the throes of orgasm can be experienced without attracting undue attention from the rest of the house, let alone the neighbors. The most common form of gag is the ball gag. This relatively simple form of gag consists mainly of a round rubber ball with some form of strap attached - usually leather. Once firmly in place it all but renders the wearer completely mute. Low moans or muffled cries are all one can utter while the soft comfortable ball is wedged between their teeth. More complex forms of gags exist, but basically they all do the same thing: stop the wearer from speaking. This basic principle has been overlooked by many people for centuries, but it can be a sexual breakthrough for many. With a gag, women are free to vent their most deep rooted sexual utterance without guilt or embarrassment. The men think that it makes the female more vulnerable and therefore more sexy. -- BLINDFOLDS -- Blindfolds play a very important part of the bondage scene. to be locked and bound is one thing, to be fastened securely then blindfolded is another, more exciting experience! The mystery and anticipation of what is about to happen to a slave is highly enhanced when they are blindfolded. The most erotic physical senses become aroused. The hearing becomes more focused. The lightest touch becomes amplified many times. The removal of the sense of sight generally eases the sense of fear. Here the cliché' "What you don't know can't hurt you." applies. -- BOOTS-&-HIGH HEELS -- Boots are the most sexual of all clothing. There are a lot of symbolism’s associated with them. When you see someone in boots, no matter if it's a man or a woman, your eyes will follow that person. Most people get turned on by someone wearing boots. It is speculated that boots are a symbol of dominance, but boots are often seen on the submissive as well. The heavy material of the boot protects the skin from damage and pain from ropes and other restraints. Nearly all slaves look their sexiest while wearing boots and/or very high heels in bondage. High heels dramatically improve the slave's posture due to the necessity of maintaining bal ance. There is nothing so graceful (or sultry) as the well defined wiggle of a beautiful ass walking in high heels.

A SLAVE IS:

A slave is a person who tries with all their heart and soul to follow orders. If they cannot do something, they carefully explain it to their owners. BUT if their owners tell them to do it anyway, they just do it no matter what. A slave would NEVER, NEVER, NEVER tell their owners what great things they were doing for them. Their owners assume that because they are a voluntary slave it is their duty to please them. Their owners assume that the slave gets pleasure from serving them in ALL ways, otherwise why would they be there to begin with? A slave does not complain, does not bitch, does not pout (unless told to do so), and does not go around with a long face. They understand that a slave often suffers. They must be able to find pleasure in that suffering. If they cannot find pleasure in suffering, then they must give up the whole idea of being a slave, because it is in suffering that the slave can find true joy, true purpose in life, and the truest kind of freedom. In a real Master/slave relationship, the Master can never know real freedom. ONLY THE SLAVE CAN KNOW THIS A slave can take great comfort in knowing that they are ultimately stronger, ultimately more virtuous, ultimately more divine than their master. For in deliberately choosing to experience forbearance, in choosing selflessness, in choosing suffering, in choosing service, in choosing absolute devotion, they show a strength that the vast majority of people can never know. The true slave understands something which only the select few can understand: * THE VERY HIGHEST FORM OF FREEDOM IS TO FREELY CHOOSE NOT TO BE FREE.* Only a strong, dedicated, intelligent, prideful person could possibly make that choice. A slave can be justifiably proud because in many ways, they are greater than any Master, because they are doing what no Master can do. They are doing what almost no one can do. They have become selfless. They are the supreme example of their kind. A slave asks for very little, gives very much. They know that this is contrary to what most people do. In knowing that they are unique, in knowing that they exhibit the most exquisite self-control, in knowing that they have overcome the behavior of most people, the true slave learns true peace. By placing their desires below their Master's desires, they literally overcome desire. Only those divine few (almost chosen) people who overcome desire can know divine Peace. It is strange, but true, that only a true slave in the broadest sense can be divine. Their Masters must always be profane. The Master and the slave have both chosen their roles of their own free will. In their quiet strength through suffering, THE SLAVE finds the highest level of ecstatic joy. For true joy comes from being needed to serve and help others, not from trying to become the Lord. Because it has always been that the loneliest of all creation is the Lord. Why is this so? Because only the Lord has no one to worship.