BDSM Newbie Guide

General definition of terms: BDSM stands for Bondage/Discipline, Domination/ submission, Sado-Masochism. All of these terms involve the exchange of power between sexual or non-sexual partners. (Sex is neither a pre-requisite nor is it mandatory to BDSM).

B&D typically involves physical and/or mental restraints and/or training of some sort. D&s is a broader term that sums up the power exchange between partners and may or may not involve physical aspects. It is also the most commonly used term in the cyber world for BDSM relationships. S&M is the physical exchange of erotic pain for mutual pleasure.

As for "exchange of power", what this usually means is that one partner assumes the role of Dominant ("Top" or "Master/Mistress" are other commonly employed terms) and the other partner assumes the role of submissive ("bottom" or "slave"). The submissive partner willingly surrenders his/her power to the Dominant partner for the sake of their mutual pleasure. By "giving up power" we mean that the submissive allows the Dominant to take control with-in pre defined limits but may stop the scene at anytime, for any reason.

The submissive partner may consent to be physically restrained and erotically stimulated by certain intense activities (spanking, paddling, whipping, caning, waxing, etc.). If he or she is into psychological submission, the training or discipline may be mental rather than physical and may include deference, obedience, humiliation play and service to the dominant.

There are an infinite number of variations on the theme of Dominance and submission, depending only upon the fantasies, desires and capabilities of the partners involved. There is no one true form of BDSM, nor is there a clear definition of a "true submissive" or a "true dominant." Indeed, quite a few people who are into BDSM enjoy "switching" or reversing roles--sometimes taking the Dominant role and other times (or with other partners) taking the submissive role. There are probably as many styles of BDSM as there are people who practice it.

Many believe that BDSM works best when part of the relationship is based on friendship, love, deep respect and profound trust. Others believe just as strongly that BDSM can be enjoyed completely in encounters with like-minded people who share little or no other interests.

You will find people whose entire lifestyle is focused around their BDSM partners, friends and social activities. You will find others who are engaged in real-time romantic relationships in which BDSM is an important erotic component but is by no means central to their lifestyle. You will also find folks whose choice is to keep their BDSM encounters "cyber only", restricted to role-playing fantasy On-line.

We believe that all these choices are valid and worthy of respect and ask that you promote not only tolerance but acceptance of each persons ideals and opinions.

There are two commonly accepted rules that regard BDSM love-styles:

1. All activity MUST be consensual (i.e. agreed to by BOTH partners) and subject to an immediate halt should consent, for any reason, be revoked.

2. BDSM play should be caring and safe, inflicting no intentional harm.

It will probably take you some time to determine what elements of BDSM are right for you. Always move at your own pace. Chat with people in the BDSM rooms and ask as many questions as you can. The community is friendly and there will be lots of folks willing to help you learn. Most were just as excited to discover BDSM as you are and were just as hungry for knowledge and experience. Do not take any one persons opinion as fact get as many opinions and thoughts as you can. (This holds true for what we say and talk about).It is important to remember that people who are excited by the BDSM lifestyle tend to come from every imaginable background and that an individual's lifestyle in the "vanilla" world may have nothing at all to do with their innermost erotic fantasies. An erotic submissive is not necessarily submissive in everyday life, nor is an erotic Dominant necessarily dominant over other people in the outside world.

Submission is viewed by some as a gift. We, however, feel it is something that should be earned. (Gifts are not supposed to be taken back, and you always have the right as a human being to walk away.) If you are submissive, you are by no means a weak person; instead you are strong and self-confident enough to put your trust in the individual to whom you have freely chosen to submit. You are entitled to the respect (if you act accordingly) of your Dominant and if he/she fails to give it, or if he/she proves unworthy of your submission, you are free to walk away at any time.

Similarly, as a Dominant, you should be strong and self-confident enough to accept and nurture a submissive and to respect that person and in turn be respected. (Of course you Must earn this respect it does not come because you call yourself a Dom/me nor because you Cap your nick On-line). Of course it is also your choice to accept the submission and/or to end the relationship at anytime, for any reason.

These links will bring you to other sections I have included as informational resources for newcomers. Negotiation is an art and a very important way to insure your safety. Practice it!!!!

If there is anything else you would like to see included in future pages please drop me a note at: Mistress SxySadist